Undercover Part 3: Old Treasures, New Vengeance
by PastaLaVista-Baby
Summary: Three years after 1.5's retreat from society, 25 discovers her secret and promises true revenge this time. RATED M FOR LANGUAGE, VIOLENCE/ASSAULT AND SUGGESTIVE MATERIAL
1. Chapter 1: Montezuma

45:

It's pretty warm out, for January. I'd say it's fifty degrees or so. My friends and I didn't even bother to put on coats today. There's not even a lot of snow left on the ground, but we still wear our boots so that our ankle joints don't rust.

My friends and I play ball outside because of the weather. I can't complain, I have a bunch of good friends to hang out with on such a particularly nice day. I guess I'm doing pretty damn good for someone who's a bit of a misfit.  
Let me explain myself - I am a twin. I was the first of my kind, and I'm ninety-seven percent sure that my sister and I are still the only set in our world. I haven't really checked recently... but I'm assuming that we still are - a set of twins is a big deal. We would have heard about it if it happened again. Being twins isn't the only reason we're different, though. We also are, well, orphans, I guess. We don't have parents like everyone else does. My mom died a few minutes after my sister and I were born. I feel really bad about it sometimes, even though it's not like we asked to be born. It wasn't ever in our control. I feel even worse about it knowing that the poor girl was alone at the time - my father disappeared a few months earlier and never got to see the two of us or my mom. I wonder about it all the time, I'd say at least once per day. We both find ourselves thinking about it pretty often. We're not damaged or anything from it, I mean, we were only infants, only a few minutes old at the time. We never even met them. I bet they were great, though.

There are days where I wish I could go back in time or something, just to know if it was true. I wish there was something I could have done. We've never met them, but in a way, we miss them. My sister says we miss the idea of what they would have been. Though this is what we've been dealt, it's not like we were ever raised alone. Our parents' friends took care of us as we grew up. We have friends, old and new, and mentors we were brought up by. They've been very good to us - they've always been there and cared for us no matter what. I guess we're doing pretty well for our situation.

I'm thankful for what I do have, I really am. I'm just always left to wonder what things could have been like if they were different. I mean, I don't know a thing about my parents. I don't know my mother's name, or my dad's. I don't know what they looked like, or if they were married or not. The only thing I really know for certain is that my mother's death date is the same as me and my sister's birthday. That's all we've really got. Maybe we're still too young to know.

We play one last round of our game before we call it quits for the day. We have to head in early because today is a government holiday. We're all required to wear black, and go to the town square for an annual life celebration for the woman named 1.5. There's a big statue of her in the middle of the square. It was erected in her memory about two years ago. Apparently what happened to this girl was that she was the leader of the village a while back, and she did a lot of progressive things for our settlement. She wasn't leader for very long - only about two years. About a year in, she started getting really sick and nobody knew why. No doctors could fix her, either. This nasty creature tried to take over the town and kill everyone, but 1.5 let herself get captured to save the people. Her and her boyfriend at the time eventually escaped the prison. Once they got home, she got even more sick, and was basically bedridden in her last few weeks of life. One day, she was in her office - the creature came back and stabbed her in the stomach. Her boyfriend got her to the hospital, and they all tried to save her, but she was already gone. The town mourned for months, and the current leader, 29, took her place back. My mom died on the same day that 1.5 did, which is odd. But because of that, her death wasn't made into a very big deal. A few friends had a small funeral for my mom, and they buried her out in the wastelands by herself. We'd look for her, but there's just no knowing where we would even start.

I shake my thoughts out of my head and enter our home, just a little box of smaller rooms not far from the government building. 20, my sister, is in there, cleaning off one of the bookshelves in the living room.  
"Hey there." she says. "You're back earlier than I expected."  
"Yeah, I guess."  
"Are you ready for the life celebration? It's only in a few hours." she says.  
"Yep, I even have a dress ready."  
"Oh, good." She walks to the couch and adjusts the pillows so that they're straight. "It starts at 1:30, a little less than two hours from now. You might want to start getting ready in a little while, because we might be going early."  
"Eh, will do."  
I leave and go into my room, pulling out the black dress I planned on wearing. I lay it on my bed, and try to brush the wrinkles out of it. I look out my door, getting a weird feeling that today's going to be... different. Strangely enough, someone knocks on the door. I yell to 20 that I'll get the door, and make my way out of my room and to the entrance of our home. I open the door to see a good friend of mine standing there.  
"Hey, how's it going? I was hoping you two were still here."  
"30, hey. Yeah, we haven't left yet. I was just going to relax here for a few more minutes, then put on my dress and go. Come in."  
I step out of the way of the door. I smile a little, looking at 30 as he finds a seat in the living room. My sister and I are really close with him. He's been taking care of us for as long as we can remember. He's great, and is kind of like a father to us. He's the closest thing we've ever had to one.  
"Where's your sister at?"  
"Um, I don't know, she was here a minute ago."  
"That's weird, where do you think she went?"  
Just then, she opens the door to another room and enters the one 30 and I are in. She's in her black dress, almost ready to go. It's a sleeveless dress with thick straps. It falls to about knee length, poofing out a bit starting at the hips. A ribbon is tied around her waist, and made into a neat bow in the back.

"Aw, well don't you look nice!" he says with a big smile.  
"Thanks, 30." she responds. "What brings you here?"  
"I was just coming to check on you two. I'll escort you both down to the square if you want." he says. "I'm speaking again this year, so I have a spot for you two in the front row, if you want it."  
"I usually can't see, so I'll take it." 20 says. "I'm lucky to have grown more, but I don't think it's enough."  
"I'm sure you'll be fine." he replies to her, and then turns to me. "What about you? You going to stand in the front with us?"  
"Yeah, sounds like a plan."  
"Sounds good. I'm going to change, so I'll be at my place. Meet me there in a half hour, and I'll walk you both to the square."  
"That sounds great, 30. We'll see you then."

He gets up, saying goodbye to us both. He closes the door gently. I think for a minute, wondering why he's speaking. Maybe he had something to do with 1.5? I'm not really sure. 20 and I don't really discuss it afterwards. She just keeps tidying up in a few of the rooms. I head back into my bedroom for a little bit, trying to find anything else that goes with my dress. Like my sister's, my dress is also knee length. Mine has long sleeves though, and is absent of any bows or frilly things. The only thing mine has is this interesting, industrial paneling design on it. I actually really like it, even though I'm not really fond of dresses. I lay down on my bed, kind of lost in thought. Something just doesn't feel right to me today. It's unusual for me to feel off, but I can't really shake it for some reason. Something about 30 keeps rolling around in my head, and I can't figure out what it is. Maybe I should ask my sister, she's way smarter than I am. As I think, I accidentally end up falling asleep. A half hour passes, and 20 enters my room, reminding me of the time. I get up off my bed quickly, apologizing for dozing off. She just tells me to get ready so we can leave. I apologize once more as she closes my door. I throw my black dress on and exit my room. I look at my sister and we walk out the door together.

45:

We gather in the square, all just ants in comparison to the statue above us, and the accomplishments associated with person it honors. All the residents have gathered together in this one place to pay their respects.

20 and I stand in the front row with 30. He steps aside a little to greet his friends who have already arrived. 28, 14, 15, Nove, 24 and 31 all have places in the first row with us as well, and they occasionally glance over at us between chatter to see what we're doing. When I see 31 and 15 both looking at the two of us, that weird feeling comes back, like they know something that I don't. 15 whispers something to 30, looking at him with concern. He says something back quietly, and she just nods.  
Seeing this behavior, combined with my weird feelings, I start to get pissed off. I didn't even know 1.5, I don't know why all my caretakers are looking at me funny and making me feel like I should have. I was barely even alive when 1.5 died. I just don't get any of this. It only adds to all the stuff swimming around in my head.  
"You okay?" 20 says. "You look frustrated."  
"It's nothing. I'm just thinking too much."  
"Welcome to my world." she jokes, brushing off the side of her dress after someone bumps into her.  
"I... something is wrong." I tell her.  
"What do you mean?"  
"Things just don't feel right today. People don't feel right, this event feels weird, and something is just wrong."  
"Hm, that's odd."  
She crosses her arms and puts her thinking face on for a few moments, in hopes to possibly explain why I might be feeling the way I am. She's interrupted when 29, the leader of Romulus, comes up to us, wondering why we're so close to the front.  
"I'm surprised you two are so close. How much do you know about 1.5?"  
"Not much." I say. "Pretty sure we were only a few hours old when she passed."  
"I see..." she pauses. "1.5 was the leader of Romulus for about two years. She did a lot for the town, and tried her hardest to keep us safe. It's one of the reasons I offered her my position - she was an excellent fighter, and kept our settlement safe. She was a great friend to a lot of us, and an excellent significant other to her boyfriend at the time. Unfortunately, an illness started killing her about a year in. Then, being captured probably didn't help her. Once she escaped, she rested for about two months, until the thing that captured her came into the town and stabbed her. We had a big service for her, with choirs singing and speeches... it was grand. We all miss her so much, so we have a celebration each year on her birthday in her memory. She really was a great woman. I wish you could have met her."  
I look away while she's talking to see 30 listening to 29 and staring, looking mildly horrified by her description. His expression makes me think a little more, and I watch him as his face changes. He now looks like he remembered something, and he turns away, seemingly going back to normal.  
29 leaves us with a smile and begins the ceremony. A platform with a podium is set up in front of the statue of 1.5, and all of the townsfolk gather around as the event begins. 29 speaks for a while, going very slowly through all of the things that she just described to us. She goes on about all the things our old leader did, and all of the traits she had. It goes on for a good amount of time. 31 speaks, talking about meeting 1.5 and how they grew closer over a few short months. Each speaker has something unique to share. Finally, 30 leaves our row and steps onto the platform to speak. Maybe my question will be answered now. He begins slowly, as if it were really hard for him to talk. He preaches how great she was, almost blind to any imperfections she might've had. He goes on about how much she meant to him and to all of us, and that he loved her dearly. He mentions that he misses her more and more every day. Everyone puts their heads down. When 30 is done speaking, we have a minute of silence. The ceremony ends with people placing flowers under her statue. They kneel, saying kind words, then they step back, looking for their friends and family so that they can be on their way.

After the event comes to a close, 30 finds us in the crowd of people. He looks tired, and actually pretty anxious, too. He offers to take us out to the fields where we can just talk and laugh. It bothers me in a way... why would he take us out there? I'm sure he means well, but something just doesn't feel right. 20 says we'll go, so we follow him along down the back streets, listening to the town center become quieter and quieter. Finally, the settlement ends and the tall grass begins.  
"You look emotionally exhausted." 20 says to 30.  
"Yeah, I am a little. Stressed too, I guess."  
"Wait, why?" I butt in.  
"Sometimes it's hard to talk about her."  
"Who?"  
"1.5..."  
"How well did you know her? It had to have been pretty personal if you're this flustered."  
"I knew her very well."  
"Were you good friends?" 20 asks.  
"We were... close." he says, looking away a little.  
"You seem like you need a break. We can stop talking about it if you want."  
"No, it's fine. You guys don't know a thing about her, and I'm sorry for that."  
We find a nice spot at the edge of a lower cliff, and sit in the grass together.  
"Why are you sorry?"  
"You guys come to this celebration every year and no one's ever told you a thing about her..."  
"Th-that's okay, 30."  
"No, it isn't. You didn't know that much about her because we were trying to keep you safe. Now, the threats we used to have are gone. There's no reason why we should be guarding you so much. You girls are young adults."  
"Wait, huh? 30, why did you have to keep us safe? Do we have something to do with her?"  
"You two look exactly like her... we didn't want you two getting hurt if another enemy came looking for 1.5, especially now. You guys would be in trouble. Getting hurt is serious, and it shouldn't have to happen to you, especially if the reason is if you look like your mother."  
20's face freezes. My chest starts to feel like it's caving in on itself.  
"I MEAN-"  
"30... are you saying..." she looks at me wide-eyed while 30 tries to recover from his own speech.  
"I-I... I um..."  
She kind of just looks into the distance, trying to absorb what we just heard.  
"Eh... you would've figured it out anyways. You're old enough to know."  
"Dude...She's our MOM?" I shout. "What the hell man! Why didn't you tell us?!"  
"I just explained why I couldn't tell you! I-I'm sorry! I regretted not telling you as soon as I saw you two for the first time!"  
"Wh... what else do you know, 30?"  
"That's all. It's probably better that you know."  
"Do you know who our dad is?"  
"I'm not sure about that one, sorry."  
"Well, that's fifty percent of the puzzle solved." 20 mumbles. 30 looks sorry, and brings us under his arms, apologizing again. He tells us that everything's going to work itself out, and that we deserved to finally know the truth.  
"Now we just have to find out who the other parent is." 20 says. "Got any tips?"  
"Not really. I think that's a story for another day, unfortunately. I'm not hiding anything, it's just hard to talk about. I'm sure you girls are going to figure it out someday, I promise."  
We all get up, kind of unsure about what to say. I think we're all a little overwhelmed that 30 just blurted out that our mom is some celebrated hero.  
He just sighs, scratching his head awkwardly.  
"30, I think we need to go. We have some things to take care of. I have research to do, and 45 has to do her thing where she annoys me while I work on it." 20 jokes.  
He laughs, and tells us to go. He smiles at us, almost in a way that say that we should use what he told us. As we walk away, I turn around to see him staring off into the distance. I look down at the grass.  
That's what that feeling was. Something just came alive, and it's going to change us. I start to feel a new sense of hope. This is almost crazy. What we just learned might lead us to something big.

45:

She's been searching for hours, just to make sure. 20's been sitting in her seat at the library, sifting through files and pictures and medical records just to make sure that what we found out is really true. She hasn't found much yet, but continues looking in hopes to get close to something.  
All today has left me with is questions. I know who my mom is now, but who's my dad? Nobody really heavily implied who her boyfriend was at the service today, everyone just kind of knew that she had one. 30 spoke really highly of her, and that he loved her. He said they were close... that could mean anything though. They could have just been really good friends. He could have loved her like a sister for all I know. I just know they knew each other. Maybe 1.5 was dating someone and she told 30 about it, like best friends do. I just... I don't whatever it is though, it sure seems like he really, really cared about her.

I've gone home for a little while, just to change my dress and maybe relax for a bit. I'm feeling pretty heavy after what I just found out. It's just beginning to really give me stress.  
Once again, I end up falling asleep. I wake up on the couch, and look out the window to see that it's just starting to get dark. I quickly get up and head out the door, trying to back to the library. I hope 20's not mad at me... if anything, she's probably used to me accidentally falling asleep. It's a bit of a habit, and i think I'm just naturally lazy. I apologize for it all the time. I think she just knows that I'm going to do it and just isn't even affected by it anymore.  
I re-enter the library, looking to ask 20 what she might have found.

"Anything yet?"  
"No, not a thing..." she says quietly, almost ashamed that she hasn't gotten anywhere. "I think I'm a little lost... and overwhelmed too."  
"I believe it, this is pretty big new for us."  
"I just want to find something..."  
"You will, I bet." I try to reassure her. "You're awesome at this stuff."  
"I guess."  
"I'm sorry for not coming back. I... kinda crashed for a little bit."  
"It's fine, really. Thank you for at least coming back."  
"Of course. Also, I'm sorry I'm a shitty sister." I joke.  
"You're not, you're just a sleepy one. Feeling like staying for a little while longer? I'll let you leave in like an hour or so."  
"Yeah, that's fine."  
We look through books and archives for a few hours. When it hits 5:00, 20 tells me to head home, and that she'll be there later on. I nod, say goodbye, and leave her to her work.

20:

My mind is working hard. I have a horrible headache, but I really don't care about that at the moment. All this new information is driving me insane. I get that 30 wanted to protect us, and I understand why he kept the truth to himself. I doubt that he'd ever lie to us, but I just want to make sure that it's really true. I put my head down on my desk, rubbing my temples in hopes to ease the pain. I just... I don't even know where to start. I'm assuming there are no records on 1.5's pregnancy, considering everyone believes that she never had any children. I doubt there are birth certificates or anything. I do not think there's any evidence at all. I absolutely believe that 30 was telling the truth... I mean, we both look just like her, especially me (not to sound egotistical or anything like that).  
I hear the bell of the library door ring, and lift my head up to see who's coming in. I hear the person's footsteps, starting to wonder who would be coming in at this time of day. I run the library, and it's open from 8 in the morning until 8 at night, sometimes later. Sometimes I don't lock up until 11 or so. I'm not alone in here ever, people are usually in and out until about 3-ish, and then it slows down after that. I rarely get visitors after 6, but because I personally enjoy reading so much, I stay open. 24, one of my caretakers, is usually in here often. We work together on projects frequently, mostly involving science and math. Another frequent visitor is my sister, but she just comes in here to poke fun at me. There's only one other person who comes in all the time, and that's a nice guy named 26. He's a little bit older than me, and he's good friends with my sister. He's a mechanic, so he comes in and takes out manuals and books on wiring and metal types, and other things like that. We casually talk sometimes when he's in here, but we've never actually had a real conversation. It's a shame, because I happen to have a little bit of a crush on him. I wish I could work up the courage to do something about it...

I look to the archway to see who my visitor is, thinking it might be a person who forgot something or regular visitor coming late. Surprisingly enough, it's 30. He never visits this late. Today's just been all over the map with him. I look at him to see he has something rolled up under his arm. He comes up the steps to where I sit.  
"Hey there... how are you holding up?" he asks.  
"I'm just fine, don't worry."  
"I uh, I figured you'd be here. I knew if I told you, you'd start searching for evidence or something like that. So, let me just tell you - your mother tried her hardest to erase all the evidence that she could. Only a few people knew, so all we really have is memories..."  
"O-Oh..."  
"BUT, a few of us did take some pictures with her while we had the chance. Only a few close friends have them, and they're hidden in their homes where no one can find them. I even have a few, so I dug one up for you to have. I hope it eases your mind a little."  
He takes the roll under his arm and hands it to me.  
"Look at it, go ahead."  
I slowly unroll what he's given me, and I feel my jaw drop just a little to see that it's a large photo of 1.5 - she stands in the snow, dressed all warm, patting her rounded, pregnant belly.

"A friend of mine took this picture... I had no idea she was pregnant when this was taken. A few guys got kidnapped a few months earlier, and I was one of them, so I never got to know until we all escaped. I was lucky enough to get to spend a few months with her while I could."  
"I-I'm so sorry..." I pause. "She must have been great."  
"She was amazing. I would've given anything for you and your sister to meet her."  
"You really cared about her."  
"I loved her to death." he says quietly.  
"Did you ever tell her?"  
"Every day."  
"Wow..."

There's an awkward pause in our conversation for a moment, so he says he hopes the picture helps us, and tells me that he's going home for the night. We say goodbye, and I give him a thankful hug before he heads off.

I can't wait to show this to 45... she's not going to believe this! It's a crystal clear photo, with no marks or anything! It's even in color!  
But unfortunately, despite all of this nice things, this leaves me with even more things to wonder, and even more unanswered questions. Who took this picture? How far along was she? What kind of love did 30 have for 1.5? Where do I even start with all of these questions?

I decide to buckle down for the next few hours to see if I can find out anything new. I decide to step back, think of everything I know first, and then try to start breaking all of this down step-by-step.

Hours pass... it's after 8 o'clock now. The library's gone quiet, and I've been left alone, only to have found nothing. The bell on the door rings once more. I assume that it's 45, coming to make sure I'm okay. I look up to see someone else coming up the stairs. My hands tremble just a little. It's 26, looking as tired as ever, covered in grease. He stops in front of my desk.  
"Hey there, 20."  
"Hi, how's it going?"  
"I can't complain, maybe except for all this oil on me." he jokes.  
"Well, yeah, I can see how that might be a bother."  
He laughs again, looking me right in the face. He has really nice eyes.  
"Do you have any books on wiring and spark drives?"  
"Yeah, we do. They're just over there, next to the section with metalworking books." I point over to my right, directing him to the proper section.  
"Cool, thanks so much."  
He walks off, going between the shelves. I go back to what I was doing while he looks for a few minutes. A short amount of time later, he comes back with two books in hand.  
"Can I take these out?" (I wish he would take me out.)  
"Yeah, sure." I take the books from him and write their numbers in a pad of paper. I gave them back to him with a smile, and tell him they're due in three weeks. He gives me a nod and thanks me for letting him take out books so late. He apologizes for the trouble, but I tell him it's no big deal and smile. My hands tremor once he turns himself around. He looks back, thanking me again. He says goodbye and that he'll have the books back soon. I grin and wave like a nervous wreck.  
"Have a good evening!" I say, loudly so that he can still hear me. "Enjoy your reading!"  
Oh, goodness... I've overwhelmed myself so much today. There's so much on my mind... What on earth am going to do? I guess I just have to find a place to start, and then break all these things down one by one until I'm capable of figuring anything out.

30:

I come home quietly, just in case she's already fallen asleep. I close the door without making a sound. I put my keys on the table in the living room and take my jacket off. I just sit down on the couch, just to listen for her for a moment. It's her birthday. I was in and out of our home all day, trying to bring her gifts and make her aware of how much I love her. Then I accidentally told the girls some of the truth...

We've been living underground for a little more than three years now... The girls were about a month old when we moved in, and now they're fully grown. She left them to me because she was struggling with her health. As much as she wanted to be there, I wouldn't even allow her. Any stress, any physical effort put me off enough where I would order her to get back in bed to rest. There was nothing in this world that was worth losing the love of my life. I nearly lost her... but we were able to somehow fix things. For a while, I was disturbed by thoughts of being without her - my mind tended to flash back to images of her lifeless body lying on the hospital bed and sounds of her crying out in agony... There were nights where it kept me up for hours, holding onto her tightly so that nothing could ever hurt the person I loved.  
The nightmares eventually stopped. We were able to become close again, and return back to normal (mostly). Our old ways came back to us... and despite that we had daughters, we were always alone. The way we used to be had returned, despite how much our lives had changed. Even after all that had happened, it still came to be just the two of us in the end.  
Here, we live. This is where we will stay.

I love her more than anything, I know that for sure. From the moment I felt it in my chest, so, so long ago, the feeling has never gone away. No matter what we've been through, no amount of time, no decision, and no person has ever come to tear us apart. My feelings have never left me, not for a moment. My love for her will never die.

I sit down and sigh, wondering if she fell asleep. I brought her home dresses and decor and bouquets of flowers to make sure her birthday was grand. I only have one more thing planned for the rest of the day for her. There's this place I found a few years ago... I had taken her there before, during the night, out in the snow. It's right on top of a hill, far out in the wastelands. There's no light pollution, so you can see all the stars, and the auroras when they appear. Yeah, it's romantic, but it's far more amazing and full of wonder than anything else. Just then, I hear her door open, and her feet stepping more towards me.

"Welcome back." 1.5 says to me quietly. She exits in a dress I gave her earlier today. "Well, you certainly look beautiful."  
"Why thank you... this one guy gave it to me - he was pretty great."  
We both laugh a little, and she sits down on the couch next to me.  
"How's it been? Still busy?"  
"Eh, everything's quieted down."  
"Oh, good."  
"I wish you could have seen it today... everyone in the land misses you."  
"And I miss them. I miss everything..."  
"Well..." I hug her. "If it makes you feel any better, I'm taking you out. Get your jacket and your snowboots."  
"Oh, alright." She gets a big smile on her face. She doesn't go out much... if we do, it's at night, and everyone's asleep. Sometimes our friends will come visit us down here, and we'll have a nice little get together. I'm usually working, so 1.5 is down here all alone every day. I worry a lot sometimes. I'm afraid someone will find her, or she'll get hurt or something will happen where I won't be able to protect her. I know she can defend herself - she's been through a lot. But I just want to be there for her. I always promise her that I'll be there to protect her... and yet every time, I can just barely manage to save her whenever I let something happen.

We sit together and just talk for a while, until it's late enough for me to sneak her out. I wait until about midnight for us to sneak out. We take the long route to the fields, where it's very beautiful, and so comfortingly quiet. I take the blanket, that thankfully is water-resistant, and lay it down in the snow. We sit down and just look up at the sky without saying much to each other.

"Thank you for taking me out. I really needed this." she says, putting her head on my shoulder.  
"It's no problem. It's the least I could do."  
"Aw, you're too sweet."  
I hold her for a few seconds in the silence.  
"I... I really don't know what I do do without you."  
"Well, you'll never have to worry about it, 30."  
"I know."  
I goes quiet again, and we both just look back up.  
"1.5?"  
"Yeah?"  
"I accidentally told the girls that you're their mother today."  
"You... what?"  
"I told them part of the truth... it slipped out because I was thinking about you and I'm sorry."  
I start panicking, thinking she'll be upset.  
"Oh... alright. I mean, they don't know I'm alive... so I don't think it'll be much of an issue."  
"They're looking for their dad now, though. One's feisty, the other one's a genius - they're eventually going to figure it out that I'm their dad."  
"There's really no danger anymore... I suppose that if they found out it wouldn't be so bad."  
"It really would be nice to stop lying to them. It's hard to treat them like family when they think that I'm not."  
"I'm so sorry that we ever did this, 30. I acted on impulse when I clearly shouldn't have... and now we're both paying for it."  
"As long as I get to at least see them and keep them safe."  
"God, I miss them so much... it's worse and worse each day..."  
"Things'll work out. They're bound to come to a conclusion anyway."  
"Yeah... so if they figure it out, just let it happen. If there's every any more danger or anything threatening, lie to them. I don't want them to get hurt if they're affiliated with me."  
"A-alright."

We lay down for about an hour, just talking and looking up at the stars. We get to bed that evening, and once 1.5 falls fast asleep, I still lie on my back, fully awake. My eyes stay open, trying to come down from the high she gives me... but something else leaves me bothered. My daughters... lying to them is becoming more difficult, and inevitably, they're going to figure out the truth. I eventually am able to fall asleep, my mind wandering about, curious about the uncertain future.

45:

We have plans. Big ones. 20 is reluctant, but I've pestered her until she's agreed.

Yesterday was more than eventful. We went to a service and then found out that our mother is that same person. We even got a picture of her. But there's something else that we need to do now.  
This is a first for us. This is a brand new part of our lives. I'm scared, and even a little hesitant, but I think we need this. I think it'll help us both.

When we enter through the gates of the cemetery, another sort of feeling comes over me that I've never felt before. It's hard to explain, but it feels almost like... gratefulness. Relief, even. I feel a little bit more whole knowing that half of my origin's been figured out.

I don't know too much about my mother, and I never really have. That's why I want to find out now more than ever. I want to figure all of this out. Every last bit. I feel this odd sort of emptiness inside of me not knowing much about who I am or where my sister and I came from. 30 giving us this information alone gives me the motivation to figure out this story from beginning to end. I doubt that it was ever a boring one, that's for sure.

I'm left to wonder if the stabbing is what killed 1.5, especially if her death date and our birthday is the same day. Maybe she gave birth to us and then got stabbed? I don't know... It just hurts to think of what else it could be... because everything just seems worse and worse. What if she never got stabbed? What if she just... passed away trying to have us...?

It gets colder as we walk into the cemetery. Well, at least in my mind it does. I don't know if the temperature is actually dropping, but it certainly feels like it. Probably just because this is like a revelation in our lives and I'm just naturally having the chills because of how quickly this all happened. Yesterday, I had no idea that we would now know this stuff. It gets to me. This is really going to change us. We're visiting our mother for the first time. Well, sort of. We're visiting her resting place... it's the closest thing we'll ever have to knowing her in real life. As much as I would want to meet her with a beating heart and lungs filled with air, this is the best we can get.  
The mud cakes in our shoes as we walk to the statue of poor 1.5, who passed away a long while ago. Her shadow casts over us, as the sun barely comes through the clouds on this foggy, damp morning.

There she is. Just under her statue lies the actual gravestone. It's in perfect condition - even the words engraved into it are carved exactly right.

 _Here lies the lovely 1.5, the Grand General of Romulus. January 19th, Year Zero (01/19/0000) - August 14th, Year Three (08/14/0003)_

It's a lot of pain in my chest just to even read it. What happened to her must have been really, really awful. We've never even met my mother, but it still hurts me so much to realize that someone who sounded so amazing lost her life in a matter of minutes... and it's partially our fault, too. I mean, I probably shouldn't be blaming anyone here. What happened was really bad, and I doubt anyone knew what would happen to 1.5 if she ever did get pregnant. I'm assuming my parents knew that a child would be the outcome of what they were up to... But something still just doesn't add up to me. Whether they knew or not, did they know what it would do to her? Why wouldn't they be more careful if they did know what the result would be? Where does my dad play into all of this? Why would anyone let someone so important take such a risk? I need to find out more. Something just isn't right here. We all played a part in this, even though we didn't ask to be conceived or born - we just were. I can't imagine that my mother might have went through with this even though she knew what was going to happen to her. I guess she really was a brave soul, just like they said at the life celebration today.

I absorb all the feelings and auras that the grave gives off, trying not to let this sudden pressure crush me. Though I'm not actually meeting someone NEW or talking to a live person, I feel incredibly nervous, as if she knows that we're coming to visit her. It's really weird... My lungs feel heavy and I seriously feel like my heart's going to burst out of me. I watch 20 as she steps closer to the statue, but still looks at the ground cautiously as not to crush any of the fresh flowers that were laid there not so long ago. She just quietly observes the statue for a few seconds, without a sound.  
"She must've been absolutely amazing." 20 says to me quietly as she looks down at all of the flora. "I can still remember some voice singing to us just that one time. It's the earliest memory I have... do you think it was her?"  
"I remember it too... and I bet it was." I look at the much more solid version of my mother, kneeling over her own grave as if she were still with us. "You guys look almost exactly alike..."  
"You think I look like her?" 20 says.  
"Oh, definitely. Way more than I do."  
"Well, you still do look like her too - more in colors. Your face is a little bit different."  
"I agree - you look like 1.5 and I look like... well, someone."  
We both jokingly smile at one another for a second before looking back at the monument, regaining our seriousness. Suddenly, this sadness hits me across the face like a metal pipe or something like that. My mother is buried right there in the ground and we don't have a real father to take care of us. Of course we were taken care of, but it was different from anyone else we've ever known. Everyone else was just raised by their parents. But us... well, we don't really have any - any biological ones, at least. Sometimes I really think about that and it makes me more sad than I can probably deal with. I have a low threshold for that kind of stuff. Sometimes it still makes me wonder what about my life is real and true. It makes me feel alone in this world, even though I know that I'm absolutely surrounded by loving, wonderful people that give 20 and I hope.

I stay silent for a few seconds before I start talking to 1.5. I doubt that she can really hear me, considering she's passed on for a while now, but I have to say it and get it out of my system, even if her hearing sensors have already rotted out. There's no way this is a waste of time, whether she can hear us or not.

"H-hi mom." I just say quietly to the statue. 20 just looks on at me, eager for me to continue speaking.  
"I-I don't think you can hear me - I mean us... But I just wanted to say thank you. I didn't find out you were you until today, but I'm grateful that someone who did such amazing things is my mother... I-I really wish you were here. I barely even remember you, but the two of us are forever in your debt because you probably gave your life for me and 20. For that, I'm always going to be grateful."  
"You were an amazing woman, and I'm sure you would have been a wonderful mother." 20 adds in. "We only got to spend a few moments with you... we probably only saw your face once, and barely heard your voice, but we really do miss you more than words can describe." She puts her hand on my shoulder to comfort me, probably both of us.  
"Mom... the world really misses you. We miss you. There's so many things I want to say, but finding the words that match what I'm feeling are really tough..."  
I pause again, just to try to hold myself together.  
"It's hard... all of of this is really hard - just the situation in general must've really done a number on you. But we're grateful for you. You gave up your whole life. And though we only now know who you are, we still miss you more than anything, and we love you."  
20 repeats that we love her. She looks like she's going to cry, but she keeps it in. 20 doesn't like to cry or be sad in any way. She's finicky like that, I guess.

Suddenly, in the distance, we hear a voice or two calling us. We stay quiet for a second just to make sure we actually heard a sound, and that it wasn't just in our heads. They shout our names a second time, and I'm able to make out whose voices they actually are. One is a female voice, and I'm almost positive it's 15. She's taken care of us since we were little, and we've always been close. The other voice sounds like 24. He also took care of us as kids, but he has two of his own, so he has to focus on them. He was still there for us, along with a whole group of others.  
We leave the site, moving towards the voices. We meet them in the middle, just outside the gates of the cemetery.

"Girls... wh-what are you doing out here all alone?" 15 asks us worriedly.  
"We're fine, we were just... visiting." 20 says.  
"Visiting who?" 24 butts in.  
"Just... 1.5."  
15 pauses for a moment, just kind of absorbing what she just heard. She looks at us as if we weren't supposed to be doing that.  
"W-why? I saw you two at the service today, did you want to just find out more, or something?"  
20 starts speaking with some reluctance, mostly in fear that we'll get in trouble for doing what we were.  
"I... w-we, uh..."  
"Let me handle it." I say to her. "We found out that she's our mom."  
15 and 24 kind of just look quickly at each other and then back at us, not sure what to say.  
"W-well, you're right about that... How on earth did you manage to find that out?"  
"30 slipped. He said we looked just like her, and then just started babbling on and on."  
"20 does look like her, seriously. You do too, but not as much." 24 chimes back in.  
"Aw, thanks." I say to him, mostly as a joke.

"Why don't you two come back to the town?" 15 asks. "It looks like it's getting foggy, come on now."  
"We need 20 back at the library anyways. I need her input on some equations I've been working on." 24 says.  
"Yeah, 20, you've got nerd stuff to do. Let's go."  
She laughs a little as we head back into town, away from our mother. I almost feel overprotected. Something just isn't right...

It irks me for the rest of the evening. Some of my caregivers act this away when I ask too much about what my mom was like. The only person that doesn't eventually start getting all weird about it is 30. I guess he knew my mom pretty well... There even seems to be a sadness in him that kind of just makes me think that he was really in love with her before she was gone, like the especially romantic kind. I try to block it out, considering that's mostly his business, and that I probably won't end up knowing what happened between the two of them. But I just wonder why everyone else avoids the subject so much... Now, I've started thinking - is there something about who my mother was that everyone is keeping from us?

TO BE CONTINUED


	2. Chapter 2: What Lies in the Afterlife

1.5:

At this point, when I go to sleep each night, my dreams are just flashbacks. All of my thoughts even stay with me when I'm awake. They are frequent during the day, and vivid when I go to bed.

Especially in the beginning, when I first moved down here, things were really bugging me. I was having nightmares about the birth, and worrying about the twins nonstop. The process of having the girls really was... awful. I've never felt pain like that ever in my life. It was so horrible, and so scary. I felt like everything below my chest was on fire... and like I was being ripped in half. But, I knew I had to do it... it's not like there was a way out, and that was probably the scariest part for me. The pain, the hurt, the possibility of losing my own life was unavoidable. Sometimes it's still hard to think about. But, wonderfully enough, 31 was right about looking at the baby and just forgetting all about it. I was able to look at my two beautiful daughters and fully see past the hurt. I didn't really think about for a bit until all of my thoughts came back. But really... despite the pros of the situation, I just still think about the pain sometimes and I just don't know how to put the agony into words.

What happened to me was unexpected, and extremely hard to go through, especially towards the end. But, I suppose that because of it, I'm much stronger now. That doesn't mean a thing though. It doesn't make up for how I've felt since then either. The last time I saw the girls, more than three years ago, they were only infants, and I doubt they have any memories of me. They barely know anything about me, even now. Even though there hasn't been any contact, they are my children and I miss them horribly. I don't really even know them, but I carried them and had them... and I love them. I will always care about them no matter what. I'm a mother who hasn't seen her children in years, but I wish more and more each day that I could hold them and just be there for them, because I know that their lives would be so much easier if I was in them. I'm sure it would ease their minds so much to know that they have someone who's there. A part of me regrets my choice of leaving at least once a day.

I mean, might as well just have abandoned my children. Pretty sure what I did falls into that category, even though I partially did this for their safety. I really am a terrible mother, if you can even call me that. I've lied to them; I've left them behind. I pushed them out of my life when they were the most vulnerable. That was a choice I made when I was exhausted and overwhelmed, and there isn't a time where I wouldn't take it all back. I wish that they were in my life every single day. The only thing I can be at peace with about my decision is that I did leave them with 30 and my closest friends, who I know are all capable of making sure the twins are safe and in excellent care.

I will admit, I've tried connecting with them a bit. When they were little I would knit clothes for them, and have 30 deliver them. I'd have him tell the girls that I had made the clothes while I was pregnant. When they asked why I had made so many, he'd tell them that I didn't have much else to do during the time. Funny enough, they would think I made so many because I knew I was having twins. Not that that's true... I actually had no idea. My only clue, which I never really picked up on, is that I had gone to my final appointments after escaping the prison, and 2 looked at me, surprised that I had gotten bigger than expected. I just figured it was a big baby because 30's a big guy - really tall, broad shoulders and stuff. But no, we got the unexpected. And as long as my daughters are happy, I guess that's what matters.

I hear water dripping in the compound, so I get out of bed and grab a vase. I look through our rooms, trying to figure out where the drip could be coming from. Considering that it's January, some of the snow melts at this time of year, and we occasionally get leaks because of it. I enter our living room, to see that the drip is on the far side, right near our radio and monitor. I bend down and place the vase under the spot in the ceiling where the water appears to be coming through.

30 regularly tells me about the girls. Over the past few years, he's updated me almost every single day, telling me what they're like and all the funny things they say. He told me that the one who looks like him is taller, and the one who resembles me is shorter. He thinks that's funny because of our physical differences, and how they've managed to show through genetically. I guess you just can't escape some things.

A few days ago, 30 told me something I was actually really happy to hear. I think he thought I was going to be upset, but there was no reason for me to be mad. I mean, we established the whole "Don't tell the twins anything about their parents" situation... but at this point, I really don't think there's any danger to worry about. I did what I did in hopes to protect them, but it's been so long that I doubt there's anything to worry about. 30 accidentally told them about me, but that's okay. They have some comfort, but I doubt it'll be long before they figure out the next half. 20 is smart. She probably already knows that 30's her dad. If they do figure it out... I'll be really happy. I wouldn't mind it at all. I did a terrible thing and they deserve to have a real parent in their lives. All I've done is screw that up for them.

Thinking about all is this kind of tires my brain out, and I usually take a nap after. Yes, I still get varying amounts of flashbacks, but it also occasionally clears my head and makes me feel better. I just want to go back and fix things. All I could wish is that there was something I could do.

I go back into the bedroom and lay my head down on the pillows. Sometimes if I lay still on my bed while I'm thinking, I can hear the sounds of Romulus just above the ceiling, and I can pretend that I'm still there, living the life that I should be.

1.5:

Of all the memories I've had since moving to the underground, one of the most vivid things I remember is one night in specific. I was the way I felt that I remember the most, rather than the actual doings. I know for certain that it had to happen though. My mind and body were beginning to conflict. I had had the girls a little more than two months before, and I had gotten the majority of my strength back. I could walk just fine now, without my legs or hips aching. I could jog and I could actually put a moderate amount of strain on myself. I knew I shouldn't do it often, so I restrained myself. There was no reason to be running around or whatever anyway. I just needed to take it easy, and try and get my life back to normal.

Back to normal...  
Everything that had happened to 30 and I really disturbed the balance in our lives. I had a bad feeling about the trip, especially because that _thing_ was still out there. I had no idea that she had already payed a visit to Romulus, specifically the medical center. I didn't know that I was already trapped. The formula was already circulating in my bloodstream. It was too late for me. By the time the 20th came, and 30 kissed me and left out the door, my destiny had changed. My life was now headed down a very different path.

Our routine left with him. Nothing was ever the same.

It had been more than a year. We settled into our new home, and after a few weeks, my health had come back well for the most part. I was ready to live again. 30 has been constantly watching me, and monitoring my health. He became surprisingly controlling for the first bit of time, but I didn't say anything because I knew he was looking out for me and didn't want me to get hurt again. By the two month mark, I could just about take care of myself. 30 returned to work each day, and he and the others began raising the girls. We were almost back to the way we were... almost.

There was still something we hadn't returned to. More or less, I think we were a little scared to go back to the way we were. I asked 2 about it right after I had 45 and 20, and he told me (with a serious blush) that I'd be just fine and that there was nothing to worry about. Once all the pain left my body and my stomach scar wasn't so tender, the only thing I could think about was 30. When I was only eight or nine weeks pregnant, 31 was telling me that majority of the focus goes to the baby, so there's really no couple's time or anything like that. She said it was something she and her husband struggled with for the first few months, just being alone together and stuff. When I was laying in bed, and could barely move my legs, I thought all about how 30 and I would be okay, since we're down here and the kids are up on the surface, so there's not too much to worry about. I was really getting antsy. We'd barely even touched each other... and it had been over a year since we last went to bed together with intimate intentions. I felt withdrawn and deprived. My body was constantly aching for it... it was hard to think about anything else except him. The opportunity was there for us, considering we'd begun living alone, but 30, surprisingly, was reluctant. I think he wants to, but I think because of what he saw during the birth, I think he's terrified of something going wrong again. I didn't know what to do or how to feel about, and it was beginning to affect my mood. I was afraid it would start affecting our relationship too.

Everything that happened with the baby really made me feel close to him. Safe and secure too. Things felt okay because we just shared the most special thing two people can have together. Everything was pretty okay in that department. But physically, I felt detached. I missed feeling so close to him. I was ready to go back to it. It was safe at this point. This was something we needed.

I still remember what we were wearing that day. He had on a black suit. He wore one like that each day, for the people around him believed he was mourning. He's still getting used to lying. It's was really upsetting him last week, but he remembered why he was doing this.  
I had on a short tank top and a long skirt, both pieces being black. The scar in my stomach was clearly visible. I wasn't exposing myself in hopes to send a message, it was actually just really hot underground, and my clothes felt especially soft. Despite the pressure of asking, as well as the heat, I felt really confident that day.

I remember how he stood, back to me, taking off his cufflinks in a quick manner so that he could cool down. He huffed and puffed about the stresses of work, and trying to hold our big lie up. I told him to relax, and he said he'd really try.

It was quiet for a few seconds.

"It's been almost two months, you know."  
He just sighed.  
"I do know... but you're just still so... fragile. It's not that I don't want this, it's just that I can't let anything ever happen to you again."  
"I'll be okay. Everything will be alright, I swear... In truth, it's driving me nuts inside."  
"Me too..."  
"Well then, why don't we?"  
"I'm worried. I don't want anything to hurt you. Me, a baby, some red-eyed monster, I don't care who or what it is."  
"You won't hurt me. You never have, and I doubt you ever will."  
I just hugged him, my left cheek pressing against the center of his back, and he stayed quiet, breathing slowly, thinking carefully.  
"This sounds pathetic, but... please?" I ask. "We can just... be careful. You're stressed, I'm stressed, we need this. We can just stop if we have to."  
He sighed again, and looked at himself in the mirror for a few more moments. That was when all the feelings came flooding back. He turned around with what was almost a smile on his face, but not like the way it used to be. But even that lasted only a second. 30's arms made their way around me, one hand on my back, the other grabbing tightly onto my hip. He kissed me, and not too lightly, either. I just pulled him in as tight as I could, inviting him back into the way we once were. He smiled, He picked me up as if I were his bride and he put me down on our bed gently. He looked ready, but there was such a lingering sense of worry that I could almost hear the thoughts in his head.

As we unwound ourselves, I began to wonder if my body were still the same. When I was pregnant, my senses felt so much more heightened. I felt like I could see clearer, feel deeper, and hear into rooms down the hall... My bones felt looser, and despite the pain, I felt such an odd sense of beauty within myself. I wonder if that's still there.

It felt different. Not bad, but different. I feel like I had healed, and that I was safe again. I felt emotionally stable, like nothing could ever hurt me again. All I thought about was him, and how it felt to have him so close to me again. I kept my eyes closed, just readily letting it happen. I could feel everything, something I don't think I could sense before. It was never bad, ever, but everything I felt that late afternoon was beyond anything I could remember. Optics completely shut, I could feel his gestures so specifically that I think I overwhelmed my own body. I could feel the slightest touches, and the hard pressure of his hands on me. I could clearly feel the warmth of his breath on my cheeks, and the feeling of his lips against the side of my neck. I could feel sensation so much more deeply, beyond anything I could do before. I didn't feel back to normal. I felt better than that.

We just laid together afterwards. Neither of us said much, but it was okay. I could feel the sides of my face hurt a little, just because I couldn't control my smiling, or any of my verbal expression just a few moments before. It almost felt strange to have gone back. It had been so long, I almost forgot what made it so nice.

I miss the world. There are so few things I've been able to still enjoy. So much of the things I loved are above the surface. There's so much that I've left behind. I've gone off the expected path, but I still do not believe that I'm lost.

30:

"Be careful." 24 chuckled, while he wrote equations on his chalkboard. "You guys are settling back in, but be warned... our biology tries to get us to continue."  
"Continue... what, exactly?" Eh, I know the answer. I kind of just want to see if he'll say it. I'm too exhausted to really fully listen anyways, considering I'm taking care of 1.5 as well as the twins. It's a bit stressful, but I know it'll all be okay soon.  
"Having children, obviously. It's this weird need to just... not stop. It's much stronger in women than in men, but still, try to keep your hands off of each other. It'll be a challenge, I'm sure."  
"She's barren again." I say quietly. "There's nothing to worry about."  
"Really? Are you sure?"  
"Yeah, 2 told us so. She had some tests done."  
24 says nothing, pondering my words, and apparently my facial expression too.  
"So you two have returned to your old ways?"  
"Yeah, and I couldn't be happier. I don't have to wish for anything anymore. I have my daughters. 1.5 is safe and healthy. We can just go back to what we used to be without me feeling like there's something missing."  
"Good for you, then." he laughs.

We lay in our bed, without too much of a sound. 24, being the genius that he is and whatnot, was onto something - as I lay on my back, I feel such a deep need brewing in my upper abdomen. I firmly believe that I can control it, but yet I still feel like my soul is going to rip itself from under my skin. I breathe deeply a few times just to hope it leaves me be... but it doesn't.  
"What's on your mind?" 1.5 whispers. "You seem tense."  
"I am, but it's too early in the morning."  
"To early to be tense? Oh, my dear, it's never too early." she jokes, shifting closer to me. My brows tense up as she moves closer.  
"I'm just... feeling something too strongly for my own good. My mind and body aren't exactly cooperating."  
"I think I know what's on your mind."  
I lift myself up a little, so that I can look down at her expression.  
"I've never felt like this. It's like there's some kind of wild, rabid animal bouncing around in my chest... raging around, trying to escape from my insides."  
She pauses, and just cocks her brow at me, smiling.  
"I bet you think it's only you." she mumbles. "I'm the one who had the kids here. Have you ever considered that I might be aching for this so bad that it's physically painful?"  
I look at how the sheets fall over her, draping over her shape very nicely. I see the shape of her arm, and a lump at the end, shifting around a bit, trying to hold herself together.  
"I... no." I lay back down. It takes me a moment to realize that though she didn't say it to me directly, it seems that we're on the same page. I just lay my head back for a moment, wondering whether I should just keep to myself, or resolve our heightened tension by just actually just carrying out what she's asking me for.  
Of course, though my body is pushing me right now, I still look over at her and feel a strong love that is so tightly bound that I am fairly certain that it cannot be undone by anything in the world - no person, no vaccine, no earth-shattering event.

I roll over to look at her, then grab her waist and pull her in towards me. She sighs, and smiles without moving a muscle. I sweep my fingers under her jawline, brushing her soft hair away from her face. She looks at me for a few seconds, more mentally prepared than anything else.  
I lean in and press my lips onto the side of her neck. I make my way down onto her shoulder, and as I continue she quietly whimpers with anticipation. I gently place my hand where her ribcage ends, almost as if to get a better grip on her. The kisses continue, but my fingers dance against her soft skin, and down her abdomen. They stop for just a second as they go over the scar, still making me flinch, as it's still new to me. I ignore it, going back to the more important task at hand. I let my digits continue to work downward and into the gap between her thighs. She just stares up into my eyes, waiting readily. My other hand rests on her shoulder, and I can clearly feel the tension in her muscles. I try to just begin slowly and carefully, only touching her lightly. I watch her face as she responds to me - just letting her lips separate to take a deep, shaky breath. I lean forward more to look at her, pressing my fingers against her gently, rubbing slightly. One of her arms makes its way up my back, holding on to me in hopes that we won't have to stop. Our faces get closer together, and I feel the heat radiating off of her cheeks. I close my eyes to try and keep myself collected as possible. I reopen my eyes to watch her response as we go forward carefully, keeping my composure. Her lips press hard up against mine, and as I feel this, my fingers slide up into her. She gasps, unable to do much because of the way she's partially laying under me. All she does is make this sound, and it's hard to decode what it means, exactly. She sounds pleased, and almost surprised in a way. It has this texture to it... and this wonderful timbre that just comes across as 'Oh, _finally_.' I can feel her body's response at the tips of my fingers. It gets warmer, and I feel a bit of tightening around the ends of my hands. I push my fingers in a little deeper, moving them in a repetitive motion, and she inhales sharply, clutching onto my back tighter. She looks like she's trying to hold any sounds in, hoping to keep herself together. She looks up at me again, eyelids shaking, brow clenched. I just take a minute to admire the way her ribs stick out of her a little when her back is arched. I leave my fingers inside of her, but keep my thumb outside for use externally. As soon as she feels this, she can no longer contain herself. Her breathing gets louder, and her voice and all her sounds just ring inside my head, making me so happy to know how bad she needs me. My whole body feels warm knowing that she's satisfied.  
All of a sudden, her fingers dig even harder into my back, and before I can even process it, I feel my back hit the sheets. 1.5 is there above me, on her hands and knees. Her hair falls over her shoulders, and some of the ends tickle my face. She pulls it back, out of the way so I can see almost her full face. I look down at the scar on her abdomen, still slightly fresh. It doesn't even come close to scaring me. To know that she's alive and that I can still be with her is so empowering. To see that a woman so strong and so beautiful and durable stands above me, I feel so grateful and wonderfully inferior to her that all of these feelings I have sort of just hit me at once. As she kneels, and her shadow falls over me, I just grab her shoulders, pulling her in to just kiss her for as long as I can keep her there. I hope I don't kill the mood, I just need her.  
We stay that way for probably 10 seconds or so, and then I feel her get tense again. She lets me go, breathing heavy.  
"Oh, I can't any longer!" she hisses. "I need you!"  
She straddles me, and pulls her hair back over her shoulders so that it doesn't get in our way. I'd recommend to her that she tie it back, but then I think about it and realize that it just wouldn't be the same. She pulls her fastenings open almost violently, as she tries to breathe. I can feel how warm she is against my hips, and that's when I feel my eyes just fixate on her face. Everything starts to feel deep, but it doesn't go all the way. A part of me is in shock from her behavior (enough to where I think I feel a proud, rather goofy smile of my face) - she's so... desperate for me. I've seen her beg for it before, and in fact, it's something I really enjoy. It makes me feel really confident about myself. I've seen her lay on her back, legs open, just so hardly anticipating for stimulation. I've heard her cries, and her pleads not to stop... but this, oh, this... this is new. She's gotten to the point where she's literally stopped me in my tracks to get to where she wants us to be. I almost feel blessed by some god, if any, that she needs me this bad. It just feels so... good. As she bends herself on top of me, I just put my head back, with full confidence, and just relax. This is great.  
She frantically undoes my fastenings and adjusts herself on top of me. She places her hands firmly on my chest, and slides down onto me. I watch her eyes as the sensation slithers up her body. She tries to sigh, but she just moans, with this heavy, fierce texture to her voice. I've never even heard her like this before... usually her sounds are so much softer and clear... but this time, she breathes heavy and hoarsely, frenzied on getting her orgasm. She lets herself all the way down, just absorbing all the feelings it brings to her. She grinds her hips up against me working slowly at first, trying to maintain a pace. She breathes hard, riding furiously on top of me, at such a fierce rhythm and with horrible, necessary desire. I cannot read her eyes at such a time, for she almost seems to have gone mindless in the midst of this overheated affair. I grab ahold of her hips, feeling my palms against her velvety skin, but she just shoots me a look and just asks me to let her do this...  
She works as fast as she can, trying so hard to keep her breathing going at the same pace as her body. She throws her head back as she holds on for just a bit longer. At last, I see her choke on her breath, and I can nearly feel her insides melting when the tension releases, as she cries out in complete ecstasy and satisfaction. Her eyes roll up, and her fists clench as her mind blows up on the inside of her head. Her legs shake as her voice echoes through the underground, and then it's over. She sighs, out of breath, and collapses on top of me, with a tired, contentedly overwhelmed smile on her face. She just lays there without any sound except her breathing, for a few minutes or so.  
That was even satisfying for me, and I didn't even hit the end or anything. She looks at me, realizing this. Though tired, she smiles at me, rolling off of me and onto her back.  
"Here." she says. "I've had it my way. It would be wrong to not let you feel like this too. I can still do this, I have the energy."  
"You don't have to."  
"30, I want to. I want you to feel this good."  
We just exchange approving glances, and I move back to the way we were at the beginning - almost fully on top of her, but not entirely. She tells me that it's alright, and I position myself properly. I look down into her eyes, shrouded in a dreamy gaze. I hold onto her side, and it's then that I realize that in this idea of newness, the two of us have barely changed a bit - and if we have, it would be a lie to say that it wasn't for the better.

1.5:

This was my choice. This is who I am now.

I could just go on and on and on but I've regretted the decision I made every single day since I got down here. I know I've said it before and I will say it again. I wish I could just take it all back.

My life has become so plain and simple that I wish I liked change. I've trapped myself, and the only way out is just so hard. I lied to so many people. I broke their hearts because I made the ridiculous decision that staying underground for the rest of my life would be easier than coming clean. I wish I could just admit to them that I was struggling because I was expecting a child. I just had so much on my mind, and I had no idea what to do. I lied to the people I promised to protect, and then to make things worse, I abandoned them. I left them all behind without answers because it had been such a rough sixteen hours.

When I first got down here, I just stayed in bed. I rested for fourteen hours at a time, from 8 PM to 10 AM, still sitting up in bed even when those hours were up. My arm was hooked up to an IV, giving me pain medicine and helping me get the blood I needed back.  
After a month I was able to get out of bed and sit on the couch and whatnot. I wouldn't be able to walk that much, the only occasion in which I did was when 30 snuck me down here. My legs were killing me after, and the scar on my abdomen too. When I was able to sit around, I came to the realization that I'm actually a shut-in now. I stay inside all day while my boyfriend is at work, and only rarely do I ever go out. If I do, it's at night, like at 1 or 2 in the morning. Otherwise, I'm just here. So then I just decided that I had to find a hobby to keep myself from going insane now. God, this was a bad idea.

I knit and I sew. I knit so much. 10 came down all the time and gave me loads of her extra fabric. So, with a growing pain in my heart, I did the one thing I could think of to contact my kids - make them clothes and have 30 deliver them as they grow up. I tried to knit them baby clothes in plenty of different colors. I knew when they were babies they didn't really know who I was or what happened to me, but I just hope the gifts gave them I sense that I care and that I'm not fully gone, I suppose you could say.

Sometimes I still sew a variety of items and give them to 30, so he can say he found them and hand them over to the twins. Sometimes they ask questions about me but he just answers them simply. Sometimes I still think that 30 worries that we're danger. I love him till the end of time, but after everything that happened three years ago he's just never been the same. He's so bent on keeping me safe that he puts it above logic sometimes. I'm very afraid of the lengths he might go to in order to protect me. I do not doubt that he'd put me above his life if he ever had to.  
I hate thinking like that. I don't ever want to lose him. I believe that if something bad were to happen we should fight together like we always have. I'm not weak, and I know that's not what he worries about. Maybe we'll talk about it someday.

Three years passed ridiculously quick, and I've tried to re-normalize as much as I possibly can. I'm just stretching my back in the bedroom when 30 comes home, already talking about the twins is soon as he knows I'm awake. It's so good to hear about them, but it gives me aches in my chest because of how badly I miss them. 30's told me so much about what they're like, and I just want to meet them so bad. I just wish I could give them both hugs and tell them that everything's going to be okay. I wish they didn't have to suffer. It's all my fault. They don't know the real story, and I hope they find out someday. They don't deserve to be hurt. The deserve to know the truth. I hurt my own children when they were just hours old. I left them behind. They've only ever seen me once.

Oh, god... what kind of a mother am I?

Sometimes when I'm alone I think about it too much and I cry a lot. How did this ever happen? No one on this earth could have envisioned what the future would be like and came to see this. I know that I separated myself from the twins because I figured it was for their own good... but I feel so guilty. I feel like a huge part of who I am has been removed. Why did I ever do this? I didn't think it'd ever feel like this.

I am 1.5. I've separated myself from my entire world. I left my friends behind. I abandoned the settlement that I made a vow to keep safe. Out of my own selfishness, I left my significant other with our children, only ever taking care of them for about a day. I left everything behind in hopes to feel better, when (with a few exceptions) the way I feel inside now is the worst I've felt in my entire life. I've hurt everyone, and I have barely anything now. I'm alone. But this was my choice. This is who I am now.

45:

20 comes running in the room, shouting and losing her cool, flinging her arms around as she scampers in. I'm in a pretty mellow mood, so her yelling is messing me up a little bit.

"45! 45! I found something! It's important, come look!"  
I get up off the couch, out of my half-laying position.  
"Damn it, what's going on?"  
"It's important! I found a picture of MOM!"  
"Oh shit, let me see it!" I sit up, actually interested in what  
"Look!" she unrolls it quickly and spreads it out on the table in front of the couch. It's a pretty big picture - about the size of a small poster.  
I look at it closely. There's mom, in color and everything. White hair, grey fabric just like us. I'm really quiet for a minute because I'm taken back from seeing her in color, laid out so close to me. My shoulders get kind of numb, and I feel like I need to cry. Something about her just seems so perfectly hurt, even though she's smiling in the picture. She stands turned about three quarters of the way, tall and proud. Her hair falls nicely over her shoulders and keeps going until it reaches her hipline. One of her eyes is covered by her hair, presumably because it got destroyed in a fight way back in the day. I wonder how she managed to do that. She wears a black shawl covering her body, ending at her calves, and smack in the middle of that shawl is us. She's got a pretty good size baby bump, and she has her hands holding the dress just so you can see the size of it. I don't know how to react. I'm ridiculously happy to have seen this photo... but mom's not here, and we're the reason for it. She was beautiful and she was smiling big in the picture, but she's gone. I can't imagine what she was thinking or what she was looking forward to. It makes me just want to cry about it for a few hours. I know I don't seem like a very soft person to my friends. They all think I'm pretty tough and that I don't have a lot of feelings, but when it comes to mom, I really do. I never even met her but the thought of not having her really upsets me. The thought that she's dead just makes me want to hide. I just wish there was something different, or something I could have done. And there's so much mystery surrounding her too. I just wish I knew what she was like... I know 20's the genius who's figuring everything out, but I just want to know. I wish we could just find out without this damn cloud of confusion surrounding her. I wish I could just see her for her.

My dad is an entirely different story. We don't know a thing about him... he could be anybody. I don't even want to get into all the possibilities... but if we ever find him, I'm going to find out the truth.

"I talked to 30 a little while ago, and I got some information out of him. It was... stupid, but I suppose it's helpful."  
"Oh jeez, what did he say?"  
"He stopped in the library a little while before I found the picture. I told him what I was doing and we starting talking about mom, and he kind mentioned that mom getting pregnant with us was sort of intended to be a... going away gift... to whoever our dad is."  
"Oh. Well, shit." I stretch my shoulders out. "I uh, I'm kinda starting to get the feeling that mom slept around a little bit because she could - well, I mean, before karma got her, of course. You getting that feeling too?"  
"Eh, here and there. I still have faith in her, though." 20 laughs a little. "But hey, that might be a really big help for us. It'll help us space out what happened while mom was carrying us, and of course give us a general conception date. If we know anyone who knew her who was born around that time, we could have an answer."  
She starts rolling the picture back up, when I notice an orange smudge in the back of the paper.  
"20, hold up." I put my hand on the paper. "What's that?"  
"Oh, goodness, I thought it was just a smudge!"  
"What's it say?"  
We both lean in closer, squinting to try and make out the scribbles.  
"I-it says... 1.5... seven months. January nineteenth, year three."  
"So, someone took this picture of her on her birthday."  
"Yeah but..." 20 pauses, looking really unsure, and as if something just clicked in her head. "I'm... confused. Something doesn't add up here."  
Then I think I get it too. How could she be showing that much if the picture was taken in January, but we were born in August?"  
"Yeah, you're onto something." I tell her.  
"Wait... so, if it if takes nine months to have a baby, and we were born in the eighth month of the year, then she should have gotten pregnant with us sometime in early December. But... if what 30 said is true, then that doesn't make any sense. Based on the date on this thing, she could about seven weeks at most. I mean, look at her - look at that bump! I mean, it's not super huge or anything, but there's no way anyone could be that big at seven weeks, even including the factor of us being twins. This is... this really strange."  
"Maybe mom wasn't normal."  
"Well, she clearly wasn't, but... what do you mean?"  
"I mean like maybe she was pregnant with us for more than nine months."  
20 gets up and then just kind of stops.  
"Maybe you're right. Maybe something happened... or..."  
I stop listening to 20 because I think we need to take this a little bit at a time. I want to find out but I think overwhelming ourselves is only going to be bad for our mental heath. Thinking about this as much as we do is getting exhausting. I'm so ready to know the truth, but I feel like there's still so much that we can't know right now. What I do know for certain is that we have a long road ahead of us.

TO BE CONTINUED


	3. Chapter 3: The Matriarch

20:

This is the start of something big.

The picture, although entirely confusing, has given me newfound motivation to continue searching for the truth. It's been hidden away for so long, and I've only just started looking. But I'm ready, though. I'm ready for whatever I'm going to find out.  
I've spent the last couple days outlining what I already know, and possible places I should probably start.

I know only a few things right now. 1.5 is our mother, and she got pregnant with us the night of, or very shortly after, our dad's birthday. She seemed to have a strange pregnancy too, which there's not much I can draw from that for right now. I just don't have enough to pull from to get any farther. I want to ask 30 about it more, but something's telling me he's still really attached to her in some way. I don't want to overwork him. he could be more emotionally fragile than I always seemed to have thought. I think I just really want the satisfaction of figuring this out myself.

I'm actually very worried about 30. I think he was close to mom, and even loved her at some point. Maybe he was just never able to tell her how he felt. I suppose it's a possibility that we'll find out someday. He's been a lot more honest about it recently, so who knows what kind of information I might have... in a year? A month? Maybe a week? Maybe today. Who really knows?

I begin my search, just checking any possible databases to start. I will look everywhere I can. No archives, medical files, history texts, or even picture books will go untouched. No information is safe from my hands, eyes, or mind. I can do this. If I can, I will approach each of my caregivers and older friends about it. I will scavenge any information I can.

In the past, I just accepted that the world was cruel, and that bad things happened - so I just believed that my parents could be anybody, dead or alive. But always hearing about the fallen leader of Romulus, and then 30 admitting that we came from her... something just hit me that day. It lit this angry, determined fire inside of me, and now it won't go out.  
Fifty percent of the mystery is already solved. I think that's where I got the motivation to start searching for answers. The past of my sister and I, as well as that of our forbearers, is hidden, shrouded in mystery for all except those who might have been there. I just can barely imagine it. What could have happened? How bad, or what even could have been so bizarre that it landed my sister and I (and even my caretakers, friends of my mother) in such a dump of a situation?  
Despite all these unanswered questions, I am going to search, no matter how long it takes me. I swear on every important thing to me that I will get to get to the bottom of this. I'll look through anything. I will do whatever I can so that this unsolved mystery stops eating away at me. Nothing is going to stop me from figuring this out. I will be bothered, I will get anxious, I will toss and turn when I sleep at night until I can find the truth.

I start my journey in the library, assuming my regular position at my desk. I start with the archives from a few years ago. Mom is one of the first names listed, because of her number, presumably, either that or because she was an authority figure. Oh, I just want to know what she was like. I wonder about it almost every day. I start reading the record, which is just her basic information - number, sex, height, and such. But then, under medical notes, something catches my eye. There's a scribble written down an sloppy black ink that she has fertility problems and is unable to get pregnant. Huh, that's... odd. I put the file down on my desk for a second, exhaling and trying to keep my confusion levels at a stable place. I put my face in my hands.

All of a sudden, I jump when I her footsteps near me. I was too focused, and or overwhelmed by this conflicting information I seem to have found. I recollect myself and look up, and 26 is there, standing not too far away. OH MY GOD. I start to panic when I look at his smile.

"H-hi, what can I do for you?"  
"Here's your book back. Thanks for it, it was pretty helpful." he smiles and I'm pretty sure that a piece of my heart chips off.  
"Oh, don't thank me, thank the person who wrote it." I chuckle.  
"Ha, well, you know what I mean."  
"I do. Anything else I can help you with? Do you need another book?"  
"No, I'm good for right now." He looks at me and pauses. "Hey, are you alright? You seem pretty stressed. Maybe I'm not the only one who needs some time away from books."  
"Hah, maybe I do. I've just got some stuff on my mind, that's all. But I certainly won't bore you with all of THAT."  
"Oh, don't worry about it. You look like you could use a break. If you're up for it, you should come hang out with me and my friends sometime, if you're cool with that. You're 45's sister, right?"  
"Yeah, she's my sister. And..." Oh my god, I'm so nervous I'm having chest pains. "...sure. I'll hang out soon, whenever is fine with me."  
He returns a friendly grin, and invites me to come get together for a game of sorts, in just a few days. I tell him that'll work, and he says he'll see me then. He leaves, and I just happily panic in my chair for a little bit. This can't go bad. He means well... my sister will be there... it'll be fun.

I'm so excited and terrified for the coming future. But I don't think I should overwork my heart just yet.

25:

Seneca Falls is such a dump. Romulus is barely better, mostly just because there's more people. The people of Romulus all very good-hearted and stable, but once again, I'm back in the situation in which I don't fit in. I know I can very blunt, and that I always try to get what I want... I guess that's just not our way here. I think I used to be worse, to be honest. I had wanted 1.5 so bad that I just became so rude, but now that she's dead, I think I see much more clearly. While I've upheld most of my views, I don't think I have as much of an edge as I used to. Yes, I still consider myself an angry, overconfident person, but I'm staying that way because a part of me still really likes who I am. I guess I just wanted things to go according to plan. I miss 1.5, though we did not get along. I really don't all the details on how she died, all I know is that she got stabbed one morning and they couldn't stop her bleeding fast enough to save her. They tried for the whole day, but it just didn't work. I remember sitting in one of the work rooms with V and the others until one in the morning. I was so impatient, and the others were mad, but it was just because I really wanted to know if she lived. Even though I couldn't have her, I did want her to be alive.  
But, there was one thing I had a grudge about. 30. Those two have been together since goddamn day one. I had a jealousy towards him, and even though I basically hated the guy, I hoped he'd treat 1.5 right and keep her safe. But now, now I'm mad because he didn't. He let her die, I know he did. The world's not the same without her, and it's all his fault. I know he tried to save her, but maybe he just wasn't fast enough. If it were me, I would have stopped at nothing until she was breathing again. That's why I'm mad. He quit. He made promises he'd be there for her and never let her go. But things just didn't work out, and now she's gone forever. I yelled at him after I found out that she died, promising I'd get him for this. He brushed me off but I think that he'll regret it. I wasn't bluffing when I told him I'd get revenge, I just don't know what to hurt him with, because the one thing he loved is gone. I think maybe I've just been thinking both too much and too little recently.

I spent the last few months back in Seneca Falls, because I just wasn't having a good time in Romulus. I've been feeling left out, so I just figured I'd step away.  
Barely anything has changed there. They're still just doing their thing they were doing before we left, and even before that. Their lives must be so boring - I don't even know how they live like that.  
The only things I've really noticed is that both Doctor V and Doctor S's hair are much longer than the last time we were all there. Doctor S also seems a lot closer to Doctor H. Those two should probably get back together already and just get it over with. Even when I was there last time, it was so easy to see that there was something going on between them. I don't really care all that much, but I hope they figure something out soon, because there's so much tension between them. Sometimes it's hard to be around them because you can feel it. It's weird, but we're all pretty weird I guess.

There are days where I'm considering just putting all of this behind me, moving to a different clan, like the one in Rochester. I heard it's pretty interesting there - lots of unique personalities, very musical people too, I've heard. Eh, who knows, and who really cares anyway. Maybe I should forget about 30 and 1.5 and everyone else. There's barely even a point in getting revenge.

That night, I go far a walk, feeling emotionally exhausted by all the things I don't ever talk about. I think all of my anger is seeping out of me slowly, and I don't know whether that's a good or bad thing. I stand out in the fields, and just close my eyes, letting the cold breeze brush against my jacket. When I reopen my eyes, I look up to see the northern lights, not faint, but not bright either. I can just barely see the colors reflecting on the snow. I see a bright pink one in the distance, but as it lights up the sky, I see something else on the ground. I step closer, the snow crunching under my boots. I squint so I can see whatever it is better.

There they are. Two figures on a blanket, cuddling and kissing. Ew. Well, I suppose they think they're alone, considering no one's ever out here. I'll give them a break. I try to identify the figures when a blue wave crosses the sky, but one has a black jacket and hood on. The other has a giant patch on his face, but that's all I can really make of him. He's a big guy - really tall, with broad shoulders. I hear him say something, and then chuckle. The realization hits me - it's 30... with a girl. Maybe he's finally moved on? Or he's using the girl to try and fill the emptiness in his heart?

"You know how much I love you, right?" she says to him. My shoulders go numb when I hear the voice. It's been... about three years since I heard it. It... it can't be. She's DEAD.

A yellow wave goes by as he pulls her hood down a bit so he can kiss her. My eyes widen when I see her face, then I just run. I go far away, and in my anger, I hide.

I saw her, I know I did. Nobody can tell me that I didn't. Is this all a goddamn lie? I knew I could never trust him, I knew it! But... her too... She lied! She lied to us all! We've all sitting here crying and remembering her tragic loss each year, while meanwhile, she hides out from society and bangs her stupid fucking boyfriend whenever she wants! Those selfish, careless pieces of shit!

I was wrong to try and get rid of my anger. They're both here, so I guess it's time. I'm too mad. I know what I have to do now.

20:

It's been about two weeks, and my research has gotten me barely anywhere. It's sooner than I thought that I'd hit a dead end, and to be honest, it's bugging me WAY more than it should. I just... I have so little information, and I can't pull much from what I have. Everything is inconclusive, and I just want to know so bad. I want to look harder, but I know that I probably won't find much. I just feel so stuck. I decide to put all my work away for now and maybe just take a break. I decide to leave the library for the day, and maybe just go for a walk or relax or something. I just put on my jacket and leave a note on my desk, explaining that I've left for the day.  
I head down the street, just minding my own business. I see 21, a good friend of mine, leaving her parents' house, and we talk for a few minutes. She asks me if the library's still open, even if I'm not in there. I tell her that it's open. She asks me if I know where she can find a book on biology, so I give her the section too. I think it's sad that I'm in the library so much that I have the sections memorized. I really need to get out more. 21 thanks me, and heads off in the other direction. I get close to home, and pass the corner that the mechanic's shop is on. 26 works there, and just as I remember that, I see him leaning against the wall outside, trying to pry some kind of box open with a screwdriver. He looks up as I'm walking, and I wave when he sees me. He smiles and gestures for me to come say hello. I cross the street carefully, and greet him.  
"Hey, what's up?" he asks. "How are things?"  
"Oh, they're fine. How are you?"  
"I'm going pretty good, just taking a break... sort of." he laughs, still trying to pry the metal box open.  
"So, what's that box?"  
"My boss said it's filled with wires. He pulled it out of some old clock or something. I've been trying to open this thing for probably twenty minutes now, but one side is like, welded shut."  
"That's... weird." I say, smiling a teeny bit.  
"I'm considering smacking it on the ground or on some rocks a few times. I think that might be my only hope."  
"Hah, maybe."  
"I'm going to the fields. We never got a chance to hang out, so you want to come with me?" he asks.  
My hands shake a little, and my chest feels all nervous and tingly, but I say yes. He grabs his tool belt, and we walk westwards out of town together.

"So, I hope this is cool with you." he says calmly.  
"Yeah, it's totally fine."  
"Alright, awesome. I was just checking, because your sister said you're on the quieter side. I mean, I hope one-on-one isn't awkward or anything."  
Oh, god... I can't imagine all the things 45's probably told him about me. Probably plenty of embarrassing things too... ugh, great.  
"No, no, I'm all good. 45 thinks I don't ever go out at all."  
"I initially figured you'd be more comfortable with a group of friends, so I'm sorry that didn't work out as planned." he chuckles. "Your sister talks about you a lot, but I figured I'd actually get to know you just in case she decides to embellish anything."  
I shrug.  
"Thanks, that actually means a lot. I'm cool with anything, it's just nice to be out of the library and hanging out with somebody new, I suppose."  
"Yeah, it's nice."

We get out into the fields, where there's a bunch of rocks clustered together. 26 starts laughing and running towards the rocks.  
"Are you ready for this?"  
He jumps and chucks the box at one of the large stones, but it doesn't break open. Once it falls into the grass, he picks it up, only to see that there's now just a giant dent in the side of it.  
"Well, shit." he jokes.  
"Have you tried any of the tools you brought with you, other than the screwdriver?"  
"Nah, but let's try it!"

He's goofy... but I like it. He means well but he's never too serious. Seeing him laugh and stuff makes me feel a lot better than I did, and it distracts me from the dead end I've been stuck on. 26 is a nice guy. I don't feel so bad for liking him now.

We spend almost forty minutes trying various methods to get the box open, when finally the side pops open from hitting it repeatedly with a wrench. Wires and metal bits spill out onto the rock we were sitting on, and they kind of just initially explode out. We just look at each other and bust up laughing, and I'm not really why... but it felt really nice.

I return to my library the next morning, feeling a lot better than I did yesterday. It felt excellent to step away from all of this for a few hours, and talk to someone I really like. I feel really refreshed, and my mind feels energized, so maybe if I'm really feeling it today, I can make some progress. I put my bag down at my desk, and take off my jacket. I sit, trying to do some paperwork, and to not look at the small folder of the information I've collected so far. For only a few minutes, I'm able to avoid it before I just start staring again.

It's gotten me nowhere. All I've done is stare at it, so... I've decided to leave it alone for a few weeks. Maybe if I put all my work down for a while, it'll just come to me. I mean, I hope it does, but there's no way I can ever really know. I guess I all I can do is keep hoping.

20:

I swear to god I'll find it. I'll get to the bottom of this no matter how long it ends up taking me. I'm currently in a dead end, so I've decided to put it down for a bit. It's driving me nuts, but I think it's for the better that I don't touch it right now. I've just tried to distract myself otherwise - by burying myself in books, hanging out with 26 and his friends (one of them being my sister), and taking frequent breaks and naps. Basically, just not being in the library or near my research. It's too tempting to work on, and it's not getting me anywhere.  
I've made so little progress, but I think I'm due for a break, considering I found out so much at once. I had fooled myself into thinking that the initial pace of my findings would represent the whole scenario in which I find my father, but I clearly see now that I am wrong. I'm almost glad that I'm taking a break from this. I've had plenty of time to make some new friends and try some new things. It's really helped me, and I feel a lot more refreshed now that I've stepped away. I feel a lot mentally sharper, and I'm sure that'll help me once I decide to return to my work.  
There is only one thing that's crossed my mind - one person... one suspicion that I think I have. I saw one of my caretakers a few hours ago. His name is 28. He has big eyes and a ton of patches on his arms. I heard he was also really close to mom, so... maybe I should look into that more? It's really strange to think about. 28... could be our dad. Is that weird?  
Eh, I need to forget about this for a little while. I told myself I wasn't going to think about it, so I'm not going to. What I am going to do, though, is take some time to relax and enjoy other things, and I'm sure I'll return to my work when the time is right.

1.5:

"How do you feel?" 2 asks me. I sit on the couch, really wound up internally. I feel like I need to get something out of my system, and I have no idea why I feel this way.  
"I feel fine, not weak or anything. I've been a lot better recently."  
"Well, that's great. I know you felt a little run down last time we met."  
"Yeah. It was bad. I was starting to get worried." I fiddle with my fingers nervously.  
"Well, you're alright now, and it was all resolved." he pauses, smiling a little. "So, if you don't mind, I'm going to get some things ready for your physical."  
"Alrighty, 2." I laugh. "I'll be here, that's for sure."

I didn't feel good a few months ago, and I really thought I somehow managed to get pregnant again. 2 checked me out, and it turns out it was just a false alarm. My blood pressure had just gotten a little low, so it was messing with me, but it's all normal now, and nothing has really changed since then. But... the weirdest thing happened to me that day, and I still really don't know how I should feel about it. It was like deja vu, sitting down, talking to 2, nervously awaiting whether or not I'd be expecting a baby. I was scared, and maybe even a little disappointed in myself for not thinking of the consequences. I think 30 and I just get a little caught up sometimes, I guess. Just being with him is really great, and I doubt that we really ever think about what could end up as a result (although it'd be incredibly rare). All my results that day came back negative, and that's where it became strange for me. When I found out that I wasn't pregnant, I was actually... disappointed. I think I actually wanted that to happen. I don't know why, considering how horribly it went last time. I doubt anyone would ever even think about having a baby after a situation like that.  
I just don't understand why I felt the way I did. It still bothers me whenever I think about it, and when I'm alone, sometimes I feel empty, so I rub my stomach as if I were with child because it makes me feel safe for some reason. If anything's wrong with me, I think at this point, it's my head.  
2 performs the exam, doing everything he normally does. He starts out just asking me about any pains or weird symptoms I might be having. I tell him I've been fine. Then he checks me over for any marks on me or any physical abnormalities. He checks the tenderness of my abdomen, and listens to my heart and lungs. Lastly, he takes my blood pressure (and a sample), and a few measurements.  
He's about to finish up, and then he looks at his clipboard and stops.  
"Oh, woopsies, I missed a question! It must be these old eyes." he jokes a little. "You haven't had any surgeries since the last time I saw you, right?"  
"Oh, no I haven't. Last thing I got done was the pelvic reinforcement - it was put in when I had the twins."  
"Right. It's a good thing that you have that, dear. Say, if you did come to me and find out you were pregnant, you'd be fine because of the reinforcement. That metal's so strong, nothing could ever happen to you."  
Okay, okay, hooooooold the phone.  
"Wait, huh?"  
"Yeah, if you had another baby, you'd be absolutely fine."  
"Oh... wow."  
"Modern medicine is an amazing thing, isn't it?"  
My heartbeat starts to speed up. I imagine what I felt like when I was pregnant... and I miss the feeling. Never in my life did I think I'd be saying this... but I think I'd like to be pregnant again. Yeah. Yeah, that sounds right. I want to have another baby. I let it soak in in my head.  
"Yeah, 2." I respond quietly. "It really is."

20:

I think I've got it! Well, um... I mean, I'm confident, but I think there's a lot more mystery than I can understand right now. So... I've come to an interesting idea about all of this. It'll probably add to the confusion, but if I get it right, then everything will make sense.  
I've come to believe that in order to keep us safe, there's probably a big lie or two involved in our story. If I can figure out what it is, that'll help 45 and I immensely.  
Once again, I take the paper outlining everything I know so far and I wonder if any of what I already know is false. My head starts to hurt from how much work this is going to be. I take my books up to my little library nook, a small balcony with chairs, couches, and tapestries. It's been a pretty slow day, so maybe I'll work and even take a nap up there or something. I climb the ladder and put all my things down on the coffee table, and then, of course, I hear the door open. I look over the side, to see 30 and 45 entering, and 30 laughing hysterically at something.  
They both look around once they see I'm not in my usual spot.  
"Hey, 20! Where the hell are you at?" I hear 45's voice echo through the front hall.  
"I'm up here!" I wave my arm so they both can see me.  
They climb the ladder and have a seat. I sit on the couch, and 45 flops onto it, making me flinch. 30 sits down in the chair across from us.

"Whatcha doing?" 45 asks, sticking her foot in my face. I remove her foot from my personal bubble and give her a look, and say I've been looking more into mom's history and stuff, and that's just been giving me a little trouble recently.  
"I'm just a little stuck, but I'm sure I'll figure it out." I tell them.  
"Yeah, I bet you'll find out the truth sooner or later." he gives me a sympathetic smile, almost as if he were sorry for something.  
"You know, considering we're having so much trouble figuring out who our dad is, maybe we can just conclude that mom was a bit of a hoebag and leave it at that."  
I nod a little, but mostly try not to laugh about how 45 just delivered the word 'hoebag.' 30's eyes go wide, and his expression turns to one of disapproval.  
"Oh, nononono! Your mom was NOT like that. Like, ever. She just... made a bit of a mistake, I guess." 30 stutters. I want to laugh at this too but I just keep watching them talking.  
"That's the most virginal-sounding thing I've ever heard you say, dude." 45 smiles condescendingly.  
"Thank you, but in truth, it's something I'm far from." he jokes.  
"Woah, dude! What?! Do you have a girlfriend you haven't told us about?"  
"Oh, no. I don't."  
"Who the hell were you banging then? How many V cards have you stolen?" She cocks her brow, smirking.  
"It's... a long story. And just one, if you really needed to know that."  
"Welp, I've got all day to listen. So, spill the beans, broseph."  
I kind of just look to him and shrug.  
"Alright... well, this is some sensitive material and you two are probably going to be totally disgusted by the end of this."  
"Hah, try me." 45 says, lounging back onto the couch.  
"Soooooo... uh, back in the day, I guess you could call it, even though it was only a few years ago... I was... dating your mom."  
"YOU FUCKED OUR MOM?" 45 screams, flinging her arms in the air.  
"Wow, okay, let me tell the story. It's a lot more complicated than that." 30 scratches his head and gives us an embarrassed smile.  
"OH SHIT! THE PLOT HAS DEEPENED, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!" 45 keeps shouting.  
"We got together just a couple of weeks after meeting. Not much was really going on... things didn't get very serious for few months. We were mostly just trying to survive, and we promised each other that once all the fighting was over, we'd actually really get into the relationship."  
"Well, how'd that go?" 45 asks.  
"It went great. I mean, we were together for a long time, almost four years I believe. I wish I married her before she passed away... but things just didn't work out."  
"Wait, what happened?" I ask. What if 30 is our father?  
"We split."  
"Why?"  
"I wanted to have kids. But, she couldn't get pregnant, and she just felt really pressured, I guess. I loved her no matter what, but we decided to go our separate ways. She left a few days after my birthday. Soon enough she found another guy, but I never really knew him. After a few weeks she found out she was having you guys."  
"Wow, karma's a bitch, huh?" 45 says.  
"Both me and your father were sent out on missions, right before your mom found out. I was kidnapped, and your father disappeared on whatever mission he was on."  
"Oh, god..." I mumble. (This IS some helpful information, though.)  
"With the help of a few friends, and your mother, I was able to escape. 1.5 accepted that the guy she had slept with had died, and admitted that she had never stopped loving me. We decided to get back together, and I promised her that when she had the baby, I'd raise it and treat it as if it were my own. Like, when I say I really loved your mother, I really, really, loved her. I would do absolutely anything for her. I wish she was here, she'd be so proud of you both."  
"I'm sure..." I say quietly.  
"I... was always afraid she'd pass away. Her body wasn't meant to have kids, and things just went downhill during the birth. She... only made it for a few minutes after you guys were born. She got the chance to hold you both, and sing to you before she started to fade away."  
"You must be so hurt..." I say quietly. A part of me feels guilty for being the reason she's gone.  
"It was the most awful thing in the world... but I try to remember all of the good memories. I try to do what she would have wanted."  
"That's... actually wonderful that you're trying." I tell him.  
"Thank you... I miss her every day, but I have you guys. You both look so much like her, and it's so comforting."  
"I mean, we see you as a fatherly figure anyway. It's funny to think that you would have been even if things were different." 45 murmurs.  
"Well, I'll always care about you guys no matter what."

That night, I narrow down who our father could be. It's either 28, the unknown mystery man that 30 mentioned, or... just 30. Of course that helps, but there's just so much. I try lining things up again but I just end up feeling frustrated, and emotionally overwhelmed from what I heard today. I just end up going home and going to sleep. I feel like I'm desperate to really know the truth... and honestly, I am so, so tired.

1.5:

The undergrounds are quiet. I took a nap on the couch after talking with 2 because I just wanted to sleep on my thoughts, to see if I still felt the same when I woke up. It's... a big decision, and I still have to ask 30 about it. I mean, I doubt he'll say no, but I just want to discuss it with him anyway. I think that I also just really want to hear his voice. Since I talked to 2, I've been feeling very attached and "hug-y," which is weird. I just can't wait for him to come home... I saw him this morning but for some reason I just miss him ridiculously (maybe it's just because I want to talk to him about this baby thing). This came up so suddenly, but if 2 was right about being able to do this again, I really, and surprisingly, don't want to object.  
Just a few moments after I wake up, I hear a door squeak open, so I pull my blankets off of me and get up from the couch. I stand up slowly, looking around. I brush some dust off of me and run my fingers through my hair a little, trying to fix it a little after laying on it.  
Through the doorway on my right, I see 30 standing on the opposite side of the room, taking off his cufflinks and removing his jacket as he usually does whenever he gets home. I just look at his face… he just has this radiant look of happiness in he eyes, and of course, a big grin slapped across his lips.  
I open the door to our bedroom, stretching out as I enter. He glances over at me when he hears footsteps coming towards him.  
"Well, hello there." he says, still smiling happily.  
"Hey yourself."  
I walk up to him slowly and slip under him arm. After what I just figured, out I kind of just want to be close to him. He returns the hug and rubs my back a little. I just shut the world out while he's close to me.  
"I love you, 30... so, so much."  
"I love you too, you know that. Are you alright?"  
"I'm fine, just feeling super attached today."  
"Well, that's fine by me. Be as attached as you want." he jokes. He brushes the hair out of my face and kisses me. "Your affection is always welcome."  
I just smile, not knowing what to say.  
"So, how the appointment with 2 go? Is everything looking okay?"  
"Yeah, everything is good - no issues whatsoever." I tell him.  
"Well, that's great!" he says. He looks at himself in the mirror again, scratching at something on his face. He just ignores it after a few seconds. "You look like you've got something on your mind - just saying. If you need to talk to me, just say so. You know I'll always be here for you no matter what happens.  
"Yeah, I... need to talk to you about something." I say, scared to make eye contact.  
"Well alright." he turns to look at me. "Are you okay? Is something going on?"  
"No, no. Everything is fine, I just finally had a realization today...and... I just wanted to ask you something a-about... your opinions." I rub my face out of worry.  
"Opinons? On... what, exactly?" He looks a little bit concerned.  
"Like... um, if we were to ever have another baby."  
He pauses, trying not to smile.  
"Are you pregnant?" He steps a little closer, almost ready to give me a big, excited hug.  
"Oh, no, I'm not. But when I was with 2 today, we just did the regular exam, and then he went on telling me about the reinforcements they fixed me up with back when I had the twins. He said they were holding up great, and that they're strong enough for me to have another baby if I wanted to, without anything horrible happening. And when he said it... it just sounded so nice. I don't know what's gotten into me, but I just think of it and it makes me feel so... secure."  
"Wow." he says, smiling big. "I never thought I'd hear you say that."  
"Yeah, I really couldn't believe I was thinking it."  
He just stays quiet for a few moments. Grinning, thinking.  
"You... you really are a trooper. After all the bad things that happened, I can't believe you still want this. I don't mean that in a bad way at all, I swear - I'm actually overjoyed that you've been thinking about it."  
"Yeah, it came on quick. I've had this weird feeling for almost a year now, and I never knew what it was. A couple of months back, when we thought I might be pregnant, I was almost excited... and then we found out that I wasn't, and I got really disappointed. And today, when 2 said I could have another baby, realized what that feeling was."  
"In truth, I was on board a few months back. I wouldn't have been upset at all if you found out you were." he says, with some sympathy.  
"So..." I look at him sheepishly, scratching the back of my neck.  
"You say it first. I want to hear you say it." he crosses his arms jokingly.  
"I... want to have another baby." My shoulders feel a lot lighter once the words come out, and an almost embarrassingly large smile appears on my face.  
He smiles too, and seems like he's trying not to laugh from how happy he is.  
"What about you? Is that something you'd be okay with?" I ask.  
"As long as you're safe, I wouldn't mind it one bit."  
He hugs me really tight, lifting me off my feet. I start laughing, and he spins me around until he starts to get dizzy.  
Something's changed, but it's the good kind. I close my eyes and start looking forward to what'll be a good future ahead of us.

Nove:

It's safe to say that I'm content with my life at the moment. I have a nice place to live, and I've got a solid group of friends. I'm not really even an adult yet, and things are going quite well for me.  
I've been in Romulus for several years now, since I was able to escape the prison in Waterloo village (with the help of 30). I was welcomed warmly into town, and despite my unique appearance, I feel that I fit in nicely. There's so many types of people in Romulus, it'd be hard not to find any others with similar interests. I find myself slightly on the quieter side, but there's plenty of others like that. Off the top of my head, 20 and 21 are pretty similar to me, 20 especially. We're both readers, I guess you could say. I grew up with it, and I'm assuming 20 did as well. My mother would read to me nearly every evening, and it's still a really large part of my life. I reminisce for a moment.  
My mother had such a sweet voice. It was soft and gentle, and I always felt warm and comfortable whenever she spoke. Just having her hold me and tell me everything would be okay made me feel at ease after a long day. My mom was just the best. Everything about her was so secure. I don't know what my life would be like if she was not present in it. She had hair that was smooth and chestnut brown. Her skin was soft, and she always dressed herself in light greys or whites. And although she was gentle, she was not fragile. Make no mistake, she was perfectly capable of defending herself. She had good strategy, and I think I picked up some of those skills from watching her. I've learned so much from my mother, and to this day, it's all still relevant to me.

I know my mother so well... but... my father is a different story. The twins and I are in the same boat, as far as I am aware. The difference is that I'm not sure whether my father even knows I exist. On the contrary, 45 and 20's father, 30, is perfectly aware of their existence. But it's very weird because they don't know that 30 is their father. He's gone out of his way to not tell them. Sometimes that makes it hard for me to talk to them, and a few of our other friends feel the same way. We actively talk to all of them but somedays it's hard to keep up with what's basically a trick at this point in time. I don't like to lie to anyone, especially my friends or anyone who trusts me. I'm not a rude person, and I don't want to hurt anybody. I mean, I've got my own things to figure out right now... but I hope 30 tells them the truth soon. There is no reason to continue making things so difficult. It would be nice for them to actually get to be a family and to have everything to be okay.

45 and 20 have started searching for their father, when in fact, they're speaking to him nearly every day. I feel very bothered that he'd do that to his own children. 30 is a great guy, don't get me wrong, but it just doesn't seem quite right to me. I know he just wants to keep them safe, and I'm sure he was really affected by their birth... I know he just wants the best for them, but isn't there any other way?

That mess of a situation leaves me with questions of my own. Where even is my father? There's just so much that I don't understand. I just think about how great my own mother was, and I wonder why my father never married her. I just wish I knew what happened. It frustrates me more than I show it. I hope, for my own sake, and that of 45 and 20, that we'll all be able to find the truth.

I turn the page of my book and sigh. I've just been here, rereading an old favorite of mine by Agatha Christie. I'm glad I can just sit here and enjoy this. I live in a small home near the town center. It has mostly floral wallpapers, and the furniture all came from a dollhouse found during the initial construction of Romulus. All of the pieces were refurbished and polished. My home here is one of the only places that's decorated this way, and truthfully, that makes me feel very special - as though it's all distinctly mine, and there's nothing else quite like it.  
I just lie there on my bed for a few moments, not reading, just... staring. I look at my arms, also distinct and unique from the rest of society. I just think about the twins and all of the crazy, but yet still calm, social problems that appear to be swirling around and haunting my group of friends as if it were some kind of angry spirit. I must say, when I speak to my friends, it really is an elephant in the room. I just want them to know. But, I want the truth for myself, too. I have my own father to find. We all have stuff to figure out, I guess.  
I've decided that I'll start searching too. There's no reason to keep wasting time. We've all got our thing, our one big problem, and we all just have to get to the bottom of it. 30 has to admit the truth, or 45 and 20 have to figure it out. I have to find my own father, too. There's just so much left now to figure out... so many issues to resolve... so many truths to uncover. Seems it's about time we all set off on our own missions.

TO BE CONTINUED


End file.
